The day the J Spot stood still

Today's post is short, for I cannot think. If it does not make sense, it's because I'm famished and delirious. Enjoy

Today has been a tough day. I'm extremely vulnerable and desperate and clearly at my lowest point in as far back as I can remember. As we roam the streets of Chelsea the smells of Dallas BBQ and Brownstein’s cafe awake my taste buds which haven't experienced the joy of food since late afternoon yesterday. Yes, that's correct; I did not have a pre-fast dinner. For someone like myself who enjoys food so much this day is what I equate to dying a slow death. The optimism and thought that you can make it through easily fades as the minutes tick by. Each walk by the kitchen is tough. I had to put barriers up. Throughout the day I imagine vast plates of my favorite foods...like a lost soul in the desert finding a mirage of water...or peter pan imagining his feast among the lost boys in neverland.

Imagine this...
Salty slices of prosciutto fill my mind on this holy day. Pesto spreads with rustic Italian breads. At another table, my man Morimoto is hand rolling sushi; spicy tempura rolls, yellowtail and scallion and his own homemade wasabi sauce. I am now in my happy place that Happy Gilmore would be proud of. As I turn to my left, I see a large, piping hot brisket at a carving station accompanied by a creamy horseradish sauce...there is no line to wait in. As you all know, I have a soft spot for cubed cheese, but the cheese itself does not have to be soft. To my left is an entire Murray's cheese spread straight from Bleeker Street. Filled with Gruyere, Swiss to smoked Gouda and everyone’s favorite, creamy brie along with rosemary and olive oil crackers for the spread. I can even see some of my favorite people at the table with me; Larry David, Bobby Flay and yes, Ghandi. However, even in my happy place Ghandi won't eat. Go figure.

I woke up this morning with pan in hand ready to prepare an omelet fit for a king to fill the void left by the dinner I never had. Then my roommate caught me and spoiled all. It's now almost time to break the fast. I've never made it this long. My personal record to date in my 24 years of never formally fasting was 3pm. It's now 3:39 and my hands have started to shake. This isn't like the New York City marathon...there is no runners high down the home stretch.

Well I'm heading out now...It's time to embark on my uptown journey that will inevitably culminate in satisfaction among my people. The texture of the nova lox, the smoke of the kippered salmon and the creamy whitefish are awaiting me. But even in my desperate state...I will not forget the secret ingredient...cucumber.

Josh

**Co-authored and contributions from Matt Litman (his blogging debut)